As being, we are born with caring hearts filled with limitless love, enough to share with the world. I watch in awe as my daughter sleeps, not of her beautiful physicality, but of the glowing innocence beaming with only her presence. I was never blinded by the values I've open heartedly excepted upon her arrival, they were there, but they meant of boots in the summertime.
I've grown a great deal of humility, and because of that, I see the importance in life, while at the same time, the little things that should never receive a second glance.
I have been growing through experience, I have been learning through trial and tribulation, I have been feeling the emotional stresses of life in general... but all in all, I have been happy with all lessons learned, the consequences and the way my life has turned out. I can say I've become a stronger person, because I don't consider that the truth.. In my opinion... Experience awakens the beholders eyes, brings upon alertness, in some sense... Teaches when to cement or when to crumble your wall of defense. I've become wiser.
The innocence of a child is candy to the eye and also candy to the heart! I realize I walk expecting to be attacked viciously by the cruelty of this world. I can sit and pray all day that I receive a heart of a child, and that I may turn the other cheek due to that being the only knowledge my heart knows... but I find it not so easily said then done. I am training myself to be in charity with the world and to love regardless the situation. I figure the things people do and say, are presented on a golden.. not silver.. GOLDEN platter, just so you can catch that annoying glare under the perfect lighting.
I have been through an overflowing amount of happiness equal to the immense amount of disappointment in my peck of a lifetime. I sometimes wonder why people prefer to freely hand out anger, jealousy and hatred... the things that they had to learn to build.. then love, care and adoration.. something we have been born with, that we have endless amounts of, that we so easily can share? We are wealthy in many things, maybe not worldly, but in the things that matter!
I observed a lady, so pure hearted, that she was oblivious to the negative pressures of the world. The day of my sisters sealing at the temple, I overheard a conversation between my sister and this lady. From what I remember, this ladies exact words to my sister were, "You are very wealthy, as a matter of fact, you are rich in heart to be standing here today in the the lords house." I don't know what led her to preach that remark, but it was music to my soul. My sister cried... I could tell it was truly heartfelt for her. This women spoke not to teach a lesson, she spoke through her heart and through its innocence.
I pray that I can become the person we all were once, I pray that no matter the misguided roads I stumble upon, I may always love with all my heart, that I may always care with all my energy and that I may always adore and cherish everyone around me regardless the happenings.
I want to be oblivious to all things that don't matter, and grateful to all things that do. I have no enemies, I have love for everyone.. and nothing can change that.. NO ONE!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
MOTHER TO DAUGHTER TO DAUGHTER
I recently made a trip out to visit my sister in Cedar City and at the time my mother was already there visiting. Cedar City is a small town in the southern part of Utah. I think a great deal of this towns population are there temporarily attending Southern Utah University. My sister enjoys the company of her family so much that she turns into Cedar City's tour guide employee of the month.
When I arrived, she excitedly asked if I wanted to go for a drive. I've visited three times before and have taken this tour three times, but because it makes her happy... LETS ROLL!
We took the same route we always take, but this time, it was different.
She began to tell me a story of when my mother arrived...
"So, I wanted to show mommy around Cedar City and I wanted to show her the lake. The lake is at the top of that mountain right there (points), and you have to take those little roads right there (points). By the time we got to the top of the mountain, I noticed mommy jumped out, took a deep breath and exhaled in relief. As I stood wondering what was the matter, she said..
"The land was flat and smooth surfaced when we began our drive, as we started up the mountain roads, I realized the road got a little bumpy and saw it started to raise. All the while you were driving, I couldn't help but grab hold of the door handle as tight as I possibly can. We reached a point where the road was so narrow, I felt as if we would tip over, I had to close my eyes. I wanted to tell you to take me home because I was so frightened my stomach was turning, but you were consistent in reminding me of how close we were. You took a sharp turn at about 50 miles an hour, I literally thought I was going to puke. At my age, slow and steady wins the race. When I felt I couldn't do it and wanted to turn around, I realized my sinus's clearing up due to the pureness of the air. Then the car came to a halt, I stepped out to an absolute beautiful view, took a deep breath and realized, that might have been the freshest air I've inhales in awhile. My sinus's are clear, the scent of the water is hypnotizing, the view is stunning and the breeze is a massage to my skin. The journey here was tough for me, but it was worth it."
I looked at mommy and knew her intentions. I looked at my life, and although at times I feel like I'm struggling, she reminded me of the bigger picture and how it'll be worth the fear, the second guessing, the trials... In the end, it'll be worth the struggle.
I looked at my sister, the same way she looked at my mom, knowing her intentions, I was humbled. She was teary-eyed, as was I, we continued our tour of Cedar City with a bit more comfort in our hearts. I was grateful for my sister... and we were grateful for our mother. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!
When I arrived, she excitedly asked if I wanted to go for a drive. I've visited three times before and have taken this tour three times, but because it makes her happy... LETS ROLL!
We took the same route we always take, but this time, it was different.
She began to tell me a story of when my mother arrived...
"So, I wanted to show mommy around Cedar City and I wanted to show her the lake. The lake is at the top of that mountain right there (points), and you have to take those little roads right there (points). By the time we got to the top of the mountain, I noticed mommy jumped out, took a deep breath and exhaled in relief. As I stood wondering what was the matter, she said..
"The land was flat and smooth surfaced when we began our drive, as we started up the mountain roads, I realized the road got a little bumpy and saw it started to raise. All the while you were driving, I couldn't help but grab hold of the door handle as tight as I possibly can. We reached a point where the road was so narrow, I felt as if we would tip over, I had to close my eyes. I wanted to tell you to take me home because I was so frightened my stomach was turning, but you were consistent in reminding me of how close we were. You took a sharp turn at about 50 miles an hour, I literally thought I was going to puke. At my age, slow and steady wins the race. When I felt I couldn't do it and wanted to turn around, I realized my sinus's clearing up due to the pureness of the air. Then the car came to a halt, I stepped out to an absolute beautiful view, took a deep breath and realized, that might have been the freshest air I've inhales in awhile. My sinus's are clear, the scent of the water is hypnotizing, the view is stunning and the breeze is a massage to my skin. The journey here was tough for me, but it was worth it."
I looked at mommy and knew her intentions. I looked at my life, and although at times I feel like I'm struggling, she reminded me of the bigger picture and how it'll be worth the fear, the second guessing, the trials... In the end, it'll be worth the struggle.
I looked at my sister, the same way she looked at my mom, knowing her intentions, I was humbled. She was teary-eyed, as was I, we continued our tour of Cedar City with a bit more comfort in our hearts. I was grateful for my sister... and we were grateful for our mother. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!
Monday, September 6, 2010
PENCIL TOUCHES PAPER... UPGRADED!!
I received a journal set for my 11th birthday, I say "set" because it came with an address book and a flower pen. I remember feeling so grown-up because it was the first year I didn't receive a toy. Just to show my mom how responsible I was (Now that I was a grown-up) I made sure I wrote in it everyday even if it said, "TODAY I WENT TO SCHOOL". I read through it a couple months back, I couldn't help but to laugh at myself. My entries ranged from me talking about "My sister is such a WITCH" to "I hope ANONYMOUS asks me to dance with him today at the dance".
I made it a habit to have a journal always. I learned to love writing, although, I was the only one reading my writing, I absolutely loved it. I remember making a yahoo account just to keep in touch with some friends while going overseas for two years of high school. I had to walk 4 miles to the nearest internet cafe, and then pay 2 dollars for every 5 minutes of internet used. There were many times I'd check my yahoo and no one wrote me back (what a disappointment). So instead of re-writing everyone back, I'd use up the rest of my 5 minutes, by writing to myself, and saving it to "Drafts". This became a habit every time I'd check my email to find nothing.
When myspace came to be, I started posting my thoughts and feelings towards different things such as politics, personal interests, local drama etc. without even realizing what I was doing would be considered blogging.
Jotting down my feelings and opinions on life has always been, somewhat of a free therapy session with myself. Its amazing that just within a decade, my options have went from pencil and paper to internet.
I made it a habit to have a journal always. I learned to love writing, although, I was the only one reading my writing, I absolutely loved it. I remember making a yahoo account just to keep in touch with some friends while going overseas for two years of high school. I had to walk 4 miles to the nearest internet cafe, and then pay 2 dollars for every 5 minutes of internet used. There were many times I'd check my yahoo and no one wrote me back (what a disappointment). So instead of re-writing everyone back, I'd use up the rest of my 5 minutes, by writing to myself, and saving it to "Drafts". This became a habit every time I'd check my email to find nothing.
When myspace came to be, I started posting my thoughts and feelings towards different things such as politics, personal interests, local drama etc. without even realizing what I was doing would be considered blogging.
Jotting down my feelings and opinions on life has always been, somewhat of a free therapy session with myself. Its amazing that just within a decade, my options have went from pencil and paper to internet.
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